Mind the Gap. Steps to recovery #13. Mental health looking forward 👓: Part 2 – managing the rabbit holes 🐇 🕳️

As I started to share the mental health challenges of my recovery from cancer and my operation I have focused on my positive outlook. Looking forward with joy at what is to come. Now it’s time to go with unlucky #13 – let’s face the music and dance with the pragmatic and negative stuff.

What I recognise is not every day is going to be great. There will be days when I reflect at the enormity of the past 5-6 months and it could overwhelm me. I have gone from diagnosis to surgery to initial all clear in about 4 months. At times I still struggle to take that all in. As I sit here now looking out at the rain coming down and filling our pond I can find it hard to reflect. Did that really happen! Buckle in, this could be long and bumpy update 🎢

So as I look forward I need to think how I give myself time and space to accept fully. To allow myself the sad times. To consider how it could impact others and how they treat me.

First off I need to allow my chimp the space to think of the downsides – not to cut off the negativity. I know they exist in my mind. I need to listen and be able to draw them out then consider how I respond, if at all. There are so many rabbit holes I could go down. Knowing they are there can help me stay above ground rather than fall in.

To help me recognise my worst fears I have listed them out. A mixture of big and small stuff for now and in the future. Even some silly ones. Let’s go for a ride – ✈️ 🚂 🚗 .

• Managing my wounds. Getting an infection. Getting a whack on the wound or my Stoma from a passer by. Getting comfortable with sitting. Experiencing pain as I get back to running. Any other impacts from the surgery? Can I get myself off the cocodemol?
• Getting a hernia around my stoma – how long do I avoid heavy lifting? Every time I sneeze or cough I have a minor panic. The worry I have today if the dog pulls on his lead. Making sure I don’t put on weight (a big risk factor in causing a hernia).
• Will I get back my physical fitness. A topic for a separate update. Taking my time versus wanting to get fit quick.
• Adapting to life with a stoma – Physical, social & emotional responses. How will feel when I am at a social occasion How will people react- will they see and/or comment? Going swimming for the first time? Being on a beach? How do I react when it makes a noise? Do I choose to irrigate? Changing my bag outside my home – what if I forget my kit or forget to order new supplies! Leaking 💩👃😢! Will I worry about my body image – how I look? How will it respond to what I eat – do I need to change my diet? How will I deal with an upset tummy. How will I manage with the Stoma belt?
• Follow on scans – what if there is more cancer? What if they find more polyps? The worry on the days leading up to scans. At the extreme – was the “all clear at the moment” right?
• Expanding my socialising. Leaving Hitchin (I have only been in Hitchin and the hospital since the operation). Sitting in a car normally. Driving. Getting on the train for the first time. Flying again. How will I cope? How do I share my experiences to help others?
• Managing my return to work (that’s another big topic for separate day!)
• Realising how precious life is – what does that do to me. I will survive this cancer but I have potentially had a life ending condition. Will this change my outlook on life and what I want to achieve? Do we need to rethink plans and aspirations? What has this done to my faith?
• Silly stuff – will United ever win the league again in my lifetime? When can I sit in a car to test drive an Audi Q6 – is that really the right car? When will I get to see Gideon in Bristol?
• How are my family with it all? Are they coping ok – what worries to do they have? How can I help them?
• Socialising. Avoiding oversharing. What will people’s reaction be. How do I respond. How do I not let that be my concerns. Making sure I have options when I have a down moment – different people to talk to.

The last point on other people is one I have less control over – how others respond. As I share with others (those close to me and acquaintances) how do I let them express their thoughts. There’s some great articles on toxic positivity. People that almost try to bury the downsides. People need to know that they are ok to share their worries and concerns – especially loved ones! It will help me make sure I have seen all the rabbit holes!

If you are still with me after that lot then thank you 🙏😘. The support, understanding, prayers and love of friends and family will be critical as I face up to that list. I am sure there will be many others I haven’t yet considered.

I may not always blog but I will keep on talking and sharing. I am blessed with an amazing family and friends. I am going to do the MacMillan 6 week HOPE course – to help me develop techniques and strategies to manage aspects of living with cancer. I keep a diary and am anally retentive in keeping records and notes on my recovery time. All these will help as I come to the next Challenge!

Above all I will need some listening ears. 👂 🎧

And finally, what the last 4-5 months have taught me is the importance of having that loving family and friends alongside me in any challenging journey – ready to listen and support. Please know that if you ever need a listening ear – I will be there. 😀🙏🤗