Another mini-series of reflections within the recovery journey. I’ll start with getting back in touch with family and friends. Sounds easy but managing renewed contact after major surgery and cancer diagnosis is an interesting one.
Post-operation in the hospital the initial focus was on family visits. I guess less socialising but making sure I am ok. Daily visits coordinated to make sure they didn’t wear me out. The importance of these cannot be understated. Whilst the hospital team were amazing having some familiar faces dropping by was crucial. For me a chance to get an update on the outside world and what people are up to. For the family a chance to check I was ok!
My hospital time coincideed with A-level results, Uni decisions and job progress. Being able to be part of that process even though I was “out of action” was so important – to feel part of daily life. A recurring theme of being “normal”.
In those early days in hospital I loved that each of the kids (other than Isaac) rotated their time to see me. Different news, checking up on me and showing their love. ❤️. I remember debriefing Judith on my various medical updates and making sure we had my next list of questions prepared. Her concern and love in each visit just lifted my day. 😀
Looking back I realise how important it was for them as carers to know where I was in the process and be part of my journey!
A few hospital visits from other close family including Mum. For me a chance to show I was doing ok in the circumstances. Another recurring theme for me – not to tell people all was fine (it wasn’t) but that things were “moving forward!”. Adding a little glitter to how I shared that part of my journey – there was no polishing the turd that was recovery from major surgery! And where needed just saying how bad it was!
Alongside physical visits there was also the blessing of social media. WhatsApp and Messenger. Directly to me and into Judith. People reaching out to say hi! Helping me not feel forgotten or isolated. Never feeling I had to respond but knowing that friends had you in their prayers me. Hearing from unexpected friends- those who had heard my news and reached out.
Once home then proper socialising started. People dropping by to say hello and pass on the their support. Given my tiredness then thank goodness for Judith and her diary to keep them to one a day!
The challenge was getting back to being social. The initial joy of seeing a familiar face; the chatter and update then the tiredness and hoping they wouldn’t over stay their welcome! I just have amazing friends as they all “read the room” and were ready to go at the right time 🕰️😀.
For each new visitor running through the back story – I can’t remember getting bored at this part but I guess there was an element of re- living the experience. Deciding what was “over sharing” – something me and Judith will never agree on! How much should I go into the gory detail? 🫣🤢🤕😷👨⚕️🙈🙉🙊.
Critically for me, getting an update from others on what they had been doing. Making sure it wasn’t “all about me”. Know that that alongside my recovery the world was still spinning and life was happening! 🌍
And now, as I get stronger, allowing myself the time to do more meeting up. Still giving myself the space to walk away or pass on events if I am not up to it.
So looking back in that socialising side with family and friends here’s some reflections from my perspective.
- Knowing you are in people’s thoughts and prayers is so important. Sending messages just saying hi is fab.
- Not being asked for a response or be asked lots of questions. Leaving me to share as I am ready! Doing the blog helped in this.
- Getting news on what others are doing is great – just share random stuff.
- A physical letter or card is fab – I’ve kept all my cards!
- Making the time to see me in person meant a huge amount. Not overstaying the welcome meant even more! 🤗.
- Checking ok before visits to not overwhelm was always appreciated.
- On a similar vein, offers of helps and small gifts to show love and support. ❤️
- The “dropping by” when in the area was cool.
For someone like me who loves meeting friends and family it has been a journey. Like so much, allowing myself the time to get back in the routine – letting my body tell me when I am ready to step things up and be more social! Not feeling I have to put on show.
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